LJ Idol Survivor Redemption

[bittyjane]

Since I saw Gary's e-mail on Friday, I've had a bit of back and forth with myself.  I wasn't super happy with the way I left the game, and so part of me is feeling a little bitter and isn't ready for the opportunity to come back.  I thought it would be a few more weeks.

Come on!  You enjoyed being part of a tribe.
Part of a tribe that voted me out?  I'll probably get voted out first week back anyway.
Maybe, but you won't know if you don't even try.

I don't need to be part of a competition to write.
Oh yeah? And what have you written since?
Well . . . I've been reading.  And building my crafting cabinet.  I can always homegame.
Yeah?  Like you have been?
Shut up.

We just re-opened the restaurant.  And it makes me tired.  It's just take out.  And take out sucks.
You suck.  Stop being a little bitch.
Dang, self.  Take it down a notch.
Sorry.  But you'll regret it if you don't even try.
*sighs* Probably.

Comments

[murielle]

*Hugs*

I'm so sorry about the way you went out, hon. I didn't vote you out, I want you to know that. I don't know if I mentioned it before, or not, but I should have.

I loved your presence on the team.

Real-life must take precedence over a game, always. I get that. And I totally understand that you would feel bitter about your experience. You were a good sport throughout, and that counts huge in my book.

*Hugs*

[bittyjane]

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. :)

[bsgsix]

The way you went out - that entire week with what happened - was so rough, and I felt so awful for you and for Luzon as a whole. Honestly, I was sickened. So I cannot imagine how you felt at ALL. I'm glad to see you wanting to come back, and despite that bitter feeling, fighting for a shot to do it all again. I wish you the very, very best of luck and think you are a wonderful person. *hugs*

[bittyjane]

It was such a rough week for the tribe. At the end of it, I had it in my head that because someone else was leaving voluntarily, I wouldn’t have to leave regardless of how the votes came out, which was wishful thinking on my part. The outcome was frustrating. I have no hard feeling for the tribe members, though. As I’m sure you’ve found, Luzon is nothing but supportive. The process itself and my own unfounded expectations just left a bad feeling in my mouth that I didn’t realize was still there until I saw the “Redemption” post.

[bsgsix]

I can only imagine, honestly. When the tribes shuffled and I was the only new person on Luzon, I was SO welcomed, and I felt great relief from that. I honestly felt like I WAS a part of that team. There was nothing negative that happened, and that's why I'm sad something negative (not from Luzon as a whole, but just the way the situation played out that one week) happened. If a player randomly says, "Meh, eff it, I'm out" - I'm sorry you had to go. I don't think anyone expected it.

Which is why I'm glad you've come back in to fight, and I hope you get a chance at this redemption for certain!

[adoptedwriter]

Happy Hs. Glad you’re back. I miss getting to know you better. Best to you!

[bittyjane]

Thanks!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Oh, this hits close to home. Not being part of Luzon when you were voted out originally, I'm not completely up on what all happened, but I did think that you got the shaft a little bit that week - it was definitely a tough one all-around that round, it seems. So I'm happy to see you back in it and giving it a shot, even if there's still a bad taste in your mouth.

But that third paragraph, that's what hit me so hard. I know that feeling all too well of, "I don't need a competition to write," but then... what do I write outside of the competition? When do I allow myself to have that time without prompts and deadlines to meet? And the realistic answer is, I don't. If it's not something that I feel I have to do for some reason, then it gets put on the backburner. And it shouldn't be that way. We all need our creative outlets. But it's so easy to say that other things are more important and... when the only person we have to let down is ourselves, it's very easy to just let that happen too.

I'm glad you did this and I'm glad you put your hat in the ring to come back in. Best of luck in the polls!

[bittyjane]

Thanks! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who struggles with writing outside of a competition. I read somewhere that writers make time to write and that rung so true with me. I still struggle making the time though.

[alycewilson]

In my experience, it's always better to try!

[bittyjane]

True that.

[bleodswean]

Yay you!!! I adore self-reflection-on-Idol-prompt entries and this one hits hard!

I'm in the same boat when it comes to inspiration to write. Some of us write together during off-Idol season - maybe you will join us?

[bittyjane]

I wish I would have made more time to write a response to the prompt. First I thought I wouldn’t at all, then I thought I’d have plenty of time after work on Sunday, but the deadline was earlier than I’d thought. :/ I thought self-reflection was the way to go, but wish I would have had the time to flesh it out more.

[swirlsofpurple]

*Hugs* It is hard.

[bittyjane]

The hardest part for me was that I had it in my head that I was safe due to the other person volunteering to leave, then learning that that wasn’t the case. :(

[flipflop_diva]

Yay, I'm so glad you decided to take a chance! I hated the way you went out. It did feel really unfair. I was sure the votes weren't going to matter :|

And yeah, I have a really hard time writing when I don't have to, even if I really, really want to. I definitely know that feeling!

[bittyjane]

Me too. Dumb brain. Really had my hopes up! Lol

I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles to write just to write. I keep thinking I’m going to do it and just never actually do. :/