LJ Idol Presents Week 4

[bittyjane]

The cursor blinks.  I type a few sentences.  The cursor blinks.  I erase everything I've written.  I think back to that old writing advice: "Write what you know."

 

I want to write memoir.  Not necessarily a memoir.  Episodic.  A series of vignettes.  Or slices of life.  And maybe that's how memoir should be.  I haven't read enough of them to know.  As part of my bachelor program, I took a course on teaching writing.  The professor was a high school teacher working on. Masters of Fine Arts.  She was writing a memoir, so her students, both at the high school and college levels, were also writing memoirs.  I cried during our meeting about my first draft.  I wasn't ready to write what I'd written.  She held my hand across the table and told me that there was someone out there somewhere that needed to read it.

 

Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I've ever done.

 

I've written that sentence more times than I care to admit.  I've erased that sentence more times than I care to admit.  The actual leaving wasn't terribly difficult.  I decided I was done, and I left.  More to it than that, to be sure, but that's basically what it boiled down to.  The evaluating and reevaluating what it meant, that was the hard part.  What it meant about who I was or who I thought I was.  If I was still the same person.  I wonder if that's what I'd center my memoir around.

 

Am I brave enough to be honest?  To tell the true version of events, not skim over the parts that I'm ashamed of or omit the tiny details that reveal the whole story.  To paint myself as the villain in those instances I was.  

 

I cried when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.  And then again at the doctor's office when the nurse confirmed and offered me her congratulations.  It would have been my 15th wedding anniversary.

 

The cursor blinks.  I type a few sentences.  The cursor blinks.  I erase everything I've written.

 

The more I write (and erase) about my past, my history, my ghosts, myself, the more I want to write (and erase).  Writing begets writing, I suppose.  Although it's not necessarily want to write more, but more that wants to be written.  I write about my son and the file I open to pull out those memories catches the drawer that contains his father who slips out just a little before I can shove the drawer closed again.  It all ties together.  How can I possibly write any part of myself without writing all parts of myself?

 

It would be an exercise in discipline and focus to write just one moment.  The night I told Andrew I was pregnant.  No exposition or prologue.  A quick glimpse.  Not too much detail or back story.  No cast of characters.  Just I said, he said.  I did, he did.

 

The cursor blinks.  I type a few sentences.  The cursor blinks.  I erase everything I've written.

 

Someday I'll be brave enough.

 

The cursor blinks.

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

I've written 2 memoirs. Both are styled differently. It's harder work than ppl realize because to do it right, a lot of careful consideration goes in first. Nothing wrong in writing YOUR thrth. It's very healing. I say go for it.

[tatdatcm]

Write for yourself, not for others to read. Tell your story the way you know it. Someday you will be brave enough.

[tjoel2]

Wow! Love how you wrote this.

[halfshellvenus]

This leaves so much tantalizing mystery, and yet also shows hints of hard hard it is to tell everything and to be ready to decide what that 'everything' is and HOW to tell it.

[bleodswean]

This is excellent. Every word in place and bursting with import. I think, when you do write your memoir, this laser beam focus of What it meant about who I was or who I thought I was is going to make it overflow with truth.

[dmousey]

There is much hurt in these lines. **huggs** 😐🎃✌~~~d

[the_eternal_overthinker]

This! The reason why I struggle writing non-fiction. You captured the dilemma all so well.All the best to you , because when you write people will appreciate :)

[bsgsix]

This is very good, and very important, especially when you touch upon the nonfiction... because yes, that cursor does blink.

I wrote a memoir about medical and mental illness in 2017, and was shocked that it became a #1 bestseller. It happened quickly and suddenly, and when it did, I was *terrified* - I wrote under a pen name and changed names of people in it, of course, but I was scared that people now knew my truth.

But the truth, even though it is just that - the TRUTH - seems different a year later. Now, I'm not concerned when people read it. It's not complete. My life isn't over, and as I change and learn more, I realize the memoir was a glimpse. It was a very long vignette, and there is more to say.

So the cursor blinks.

Very well-written and relatable.

[murielle]

This is so intriguing! You give a little information, skillfully, but no more. I love the repetition about the cursor blinking. I love this line: "Although it's not necessarily want to write more, but more that wants to be written."

Well done!

[rayaso]

This is so well written! I love how you used the cursor -- it was very effective. Writing a memoir, and being honest with yourself about yourself, would be so difficult.

[tonithegreat]

The hardest thing can be telling your story. There are parts of mine that I still struggle with. I like the way this prompt inspired a lot of people to go autobiographical. It’s true we all have ghosts.

[reidharriscooper]

Ghosting yourself or at least your work.
Fortunately you can return to it... or leave the work wondering what happened.

[moretta]

"Memoir", from the French for 'memory'. I think it's ok to not want to live in the past you pushed away. And writing is so intrinsically linked to our most basic selves, there's only a few ways for even fiction to be entirely separate.
I hope you manage to write it all, someday.

[bewize]

Wow! Loved this. Super powerful.

[nayanawrites]

" Am I brave enough to be honest? To tell the true version of events, not skim over the parts that I'm ashamed of or omit the tiny details that reveal the whole story. To paint myself as the villain in those instances I was. "

This is the greatest dilemma in writing about yourself. I could connect so much in these sentences.

Well done with the prompt and the use of blinking cursors.

[sonreir]

I haven't told anyone the story of how I left my ex. I don't know that I ever will. The questions in this -- the questions that you raise, are familiar. You write about it well.